The Declassification of the top secret DIR De-Programmming Squad, the first place to look for a dive instructor

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Posted by Kevin on August 14, 2001 at 16:32:13:

Dear Dive Community ( and Mike Kane in particular):

Pursuant to the Freedom of Information Act and the rulas and bylaws of the Recreational Scuba Training Counsel, I make the following disclosure:

We have a top secret group within the California Wreck Divers. Its a Special Responce Team we formed in the late 1970's when one of our members was sucked into a local cult ( it was a horrible group that used all sorts of guilt and scare tactics to entice good honest people to join them, they called themselves the the Democratic Party ). THANK GOD we saved our friend before he actully donated money !

Working with a top cult de-programmer, we were able to grab the member, whisk him away from the cult compound to a small motel in Avalon, and spent 72 hours intensively deprogramming him before we return him to society.

It was hard work, requiring lots of beer and loud music at all hours of the night and day in order to break down the mental brainwashing that had occured during a national election. ( This cult actually tried to get one of their leader elected as President ).

The team is meeting once again in the parking lot behind the pizza place before MHK's DIR lecture at our club meeting.

Hang in there Mike, we will get you, we will save you, we will free your mind and heart and soul and return you to the person you once were. Our van is fully equipped with tank boots of all sizes, special 5 long inch hoses for you octopus ( that way NO ONE CAN SUCK ON YOUR AIR SUPPLY, even in an emergency), and our secret weapon. Terry saw the secret weapon on Sunday. It was the homemade, convoluted, non-pressure rated ( or oxygen clean, compatible or designed ) adaptor that allows us to connect non-scuba rated oxygen bottles to scuba regulators ( I was very proud when I saw Terry wince at it on the swimstep ). We also have batteries for all styles of computers, "I Love 80% Mix" bumber stickers and a whole pile of those little blue PADI temp cards for anyone who may have burnt their PADI cards recently.

Wake up divers. They are out to get you ! Notice how its always "MHK" instead of his real name? Notice how its always "DIR" instead of Doing It Right ? Notice how they always say "GI3" instead of saying God, or our holy father ? If you covert their initial to numbers, they always add up to 666, or is it the actual dimensions of the great pyramid on the back of the one dollar bill ( designed of course by the trilterial commission. ) Oh, never mind, we all know it was the DIRguys at Waco AND Ruby Ridge.

The backup plan is to attend the Oct 5 Fundamentals class and destroke ourselves. We are still arguing which would be more fun, we'll let you know, or maybe not . . . . .

I cannot use my real name, as I have made too many of Firewalker's posts, therefore I simply sign off as . . .


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