Posted by - on February 11, 2005 at 09:54:39:
In a new reality show spinoff of the apprentice, Dan (Grifting Dan) Carlock has chartered the Sundiver dive boat. They are going to re-create the events that has lead to the Drifting Dan legend with a little extra flourish. Two groups are going to be split up into two teams of divers, the first represents advanced certified divers with less than 20 dives and the second, a competing group of divers comprised of equal number of ardent DIR and old style back pack divers.
Dan will blow the boat whistle and both teams will backflip off the gunwales and intentionally create the most difficult situations for the DM and captain to manage. Secretly, for Rays benefit, the DM has been instructed to replace any pertinent information with fictional data.
Meanwhile, not to be trumped, the Discovery Channel has rented three humpback whales to do a swimthrough. They will be towing banners underwater hyping "Sharkweek, Sharks fight Back" due to air next fall.
There will be six steadycam operators filming Ray from every angle. According to industry execs, they will playback Rays antics in fast motion with a Dixieland Band soundtrack. "This should recreate some of the fun of an old Woody Allen movie" claimed the producer.
An on running commentary will be overdubbed by the couple who starred in the blockbuster hit "Openwater". "We wanted to strike when the Carlock iron was still hot" claimed one industry insider, "we even have Joan Rivers comenting on wet and drysuit styles".
When asked his opinion Captain Ray Arntz replied, "#%*&@^!".