Posted by Dave on February 15, 2005 at 22:29:43:
API Press:
The scuba diver left adrift by a Southern California dive boat, Dan Carlock of Newport Beach, California, through his attorney, Melvin Finklebergsteinfindgoldschwartz of the law firm of Lye, Cheet and Steel announced today that they have amended their civil complaint to include an allegation that the lead weights he used have caused him prostate lead poisoning that has resulted in his "inability to have consortium", and that the weights did not have a Cal Prop 65 lead warning. Additionaly, it has been clarified that because he was diving with a wetsuit, the intense cold and water exposure has caused the temporary retraction and wrinkly of his already tiny urinary appendage, causing him emotional distress and post traumatic stress disorder (PSD). "I didn't know cold water could have such an effect, and certainly there was no warning label on the wetsuit, nor was there any such warning in the dive briefing" he said. "Had I known I would have gone from being hung like a fly to a gnat, if only for several hours, I would never have dove in such treacherously cold waters" Carlock claims.
Calls to the divemaster and the wetsuit manufactuer were not immediately returned.
disclaimer: parody