Posted by ~eJ on May 06, 2008 at 20:15:23:|
Well it is time to post the winner of the "Max Bottomtime Limerick Contest"
I have sent a check to Ken (OK it is going out tomorrow).
Thanks everyone for participating.
The Winner is Pat Smith.
He really captured the essence of the Bottomtime experience.
He can get it off with a 50/50 solution of denatured alcohol and Simple Green.
Honorable mentions go to Frank-O & Ross-O for spectacular multiple entries. Frank even expanded to include others. Frank quote "It is hard to stop once you start".
Also of note, Evil Don made multiple entries including a haiku. How cool is Don?
But my absolute favorite was from Dan R at Dive Vetts for the most simple slightly off topic charmer. It is at the end of this post.
A strapping young diver named Max
Plumbed the sea bottom for facts
He disdained fish and bugs
Spent his time shooting slugs
And left bubbles as his only tracks
Diving Old Marineland from shore
You’d think was a terrible bore
But Max and his Merry
Not just gear would they carry
But enough rocks to fill a big store!
There once was a mermaid named Merry
Who traveled to Avalon by ferry
Once at the Park,
She dived until dark
Then left poor Max with the gear to carry
These two divers would jump in at Vets
Even if rainy and wet
Conditions be damned
They loved gear filled with sand
And greeting new divers they met
Fighting dry suit zippers is bad
The wrong pull and you really are sad
200 bills at the least
To replace broken teeth
And you usually end up mad.
Which underwater camera is best?
Bottomtime Max put them all to the test
When most filled with water,
Max thought that he ought’er
Keep a dry one and get rid of the rest
There's a legend 'round here name o' Bottomtime
whose actions down under appear like mime
a hand signal here, means we head back for a beer
or maybe jus' Coke and, good pizza time ;-)
I once knew some friends, Max and Merry
Whose gear cart was full, it was scarey.
But I asked them onetime,
have ya got room for mine?
And three kits is now what they carry :~)
Haiku (the only one)
Max has been mentor
many anticipate spring
Merry dives ahead
Max Bottomtime isn't from Nantucket,
But if he sees a regulator he'll suck it.
He said,"I haven't a care."
"I always dive only on air."
Grabbed a bug and in his bag stuffed it.
This ButtTime guy is a jerk
He goes on a tech board to lurk
He loads up his tissues
And obfuscates issues
And posts when he should be at work
He'll never become DIR
He's the World's worst diver, by far
Just wait and see
He'll wish he were me
Because I drive a new Jaguar
A World class diver like me
Is something ButtTime can't be
He won't even listen
To my moaning and pissing
Even though I'm King of GUE
He never listens to pleas
Even when I get down on my knees
He just doesn't care
And he still dives with air
He can't see the Forrest From The Trees
He'll dive with Strokes to the end
Despite all the warnings I send
He's got buddies galore
Who dive boats
And from shore
.....I sure wish that I had a friend. :(
(Ed. Note, Ouch! Mike, someone's funning you, do not think that your chamber donations are not appreciated)
EE Cummings (Me)
Said once this man from Nantucket
of my seven foot hose I will suck it,
dry of all it's air,
and the O2 in there.
then put these pix on Photobucket.
Forgetfull pundits of Max
have fearfull short time to relax,
"six hours half past noon,
on Friday's too soon"
quipped a scholar who'd not yet waxed
I do not know Max personally
Will do anything to get into the sea
Long walks down the mud
And into the scud
He faithfully went with his bud
great pics were to follow
and stories as well
When they closed his trail
He shouted oh hell
And faithfully waited to open
Then more dives
Forget the wives
And all was well again
In Rancho PV on a dare
One cop said to another, let's snare
A diver who's late
to return through the gate
But Max said, you can't, I'm the mayor!
Ross was a buddy of Phil
who made dive maps exceedingly well
He said, "If you're fair
I've got data to share
But you sockpuppets can all go to hell!"
There was an odd diver named Frank
who preferred not to dive with a tank
He said, "If I keep
less than 40 feet deep,
would you consider that wank?"
Jon was incredibly keen
on scuba and all things marine
He always was ready
as a buddy, quite steady
Said he, "All I require is caffeine."
To snag a collectible shell
was what really rang Merry's bell
"Oh the slugs are okay,
and the hydroids can stay,
but for rare Brachiopoda I'd kill!"
Jeff was a whimsical bloke
who lived for a well-fashioned joke
He said, "I'd just as soon pun
as frogkick on a long run
but that doesn't mean you can call me a stroke!"
The Giant Stride held but four
Max & Beth & Ross & one more
Few diving days were missed
Morons on the net were pissed
Our adventures go down in local lore
The Olympic and Buchannon's dive
Were all we needed to feel alive
Never once did we lose any sleep
about diving air a little too deep
All hail Max and the Mighty Giant Stride
here once was man who was freakishly strong
and could swim in the doubles all the day long
Deep air and long deco were his only way
There's Merry & cameras & latin today
Max Bottomtime is finally where he belongs
There's a diver named Max who loves bottom time?
And you want us to detail his exploits in rhyme?
For the best little verse
You'll give bucks from your purse?
Well, to not even try even try, that would be a crime!
Psycho Solo Diver (Dive Vets)
Diver Max keeps a blog
Nothing's bigger than a frog
We know he's not queer
He always brings beer!
And never gets lost in the fog
mary feuer (Dive Vets)
Max Bottomtime is a diver
Who's proven he's quite a survivor
He's done many good deeds
For the critters he's freed
From the nets that he's learned to MacGyver.
With hands, they all would applaud
But his rescues are finned or they're clawed
To the ocean defenders
The net has surrendered
Leaving the rest of us awed.
Now Max Bottomtime's on vacation
From his super do-gooding vocation
Lovely Merry and he
Have gone down to the sea
Shooting pics of nudis and crustaceans.
Reverend AL (email)
A poem for Max Bottomtime
To win a prize, its gotta rhyme
Its gotta be short, its gotta be funny
It's all of that
So give me the money!
Bob (Dive Vets)
Once for a diver called Bottomtime
I attempted to write a bad rhyme
To my greatest surprise
As I closed both my eyes
Out came this crap - oh what a crime
Dan Rood (Dive Vets)
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.