Grifting Dan, the Play


Scuba Diving on the Great Escape Southern California Live-Aboard Dive Boat

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Posted by Max Bottomtime on February 15, 2005 at 17:51:37:

This is a parody, so there is no need to sue me. Besides, all you could get from me is a twelve year old Mazda pickup with 230,000 miles. :-)

Scene One; Inside the Attorney's office.

Dan: Hello. I'm Drifting Dan. I'm want to file a civil lawsuit.

Scott: You've come to the right place. I'm a civil attorney.

Dan: The sign on your door says Criminal Attorney.

Scott: Aren't we all? Tell me what you're looking for.

Dan: I want to make the scuba industry safer.

Scott: (Laughing)Great. Tell me a little about your diving experience and I'll decide how to try your case.

Dan: I got certified two years ago, I dive about once a month but hadn't been diving for six months prior to the bad men leaving me in the water.

Scott: All your diving here in Southern California?

Dan: I did go on a trip to Fiji.

Scott: That's in the South Pacific, right?

Dan: Correct.

Scott: Alright. It gets deep in the South Pacific, so I'm getting a mental picture of your qualifications. You have years of experience diving in the World's deepest oceans.

Dan: Wow! I didn't know I was so good!

Scott: So, the bad men left you to be rescued by Boy Scouts. How did that make you feel?

Dan : Wet...and cold. Cold and wet.

Scott: The articles I read state that your face was pale when you boarded the scout ship. That sounds like skin cancer to me.

Dan: Are you a Doctor too?

Scott: No, but I golf with George Clooney.

Dan: Can you help me?

Scott: We'll make sure that divers with no experience will be allowed to dive anywhere, no matter how advanced the site is. And they should also expect to have their hand held and enjoy a carefree dive with no responsibility on their part. Now, what do you plan to do with your winnings...I mean judgement?

Dan: For starters, I'm going to buy a pony bottle so I can take the Seeker to the Andrea Doria in July. Can you recommend a good East Coast lawyer?

Scott: Sure. I'll take care of everything. Thanks for coming in.

Dan leaves. Scott picks up the phone.

Scott: Murray? I'd like to order that new Mercedes with all the works. I just hit the jackpot.


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